“Rest in Peace”

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  {Item & Textile}

Some items in our houses are witnessers of our grief and sadness. They see the messy tears we shed. So many times we fell into our pillow, with eyes all wet. I had this pillowcase as a child and it has held my head for almost 50 years. It has caught many tears in its languid threads. It has literally held and absorbed my pain, my losses, my regrets and wishes, my many thoughts in my head. 

A witnesser and a supporter. My pillowcase of sadness and grief. 

At the same time, it has witnessed and held my numbness. All of the deaths in my extended family that were consequential but hardly touched me at the time. My cousin who jumped off a building. My aunty who fell off the back of a motorbike. My uncle who died of a heart attack behind the bathroom door. My uncle who was a homeless alcoholic and roaming ‘tramp’. My cousin’s daughter who died young outside her house. My cousin’s son who died young from an asthma attack. My nan, the one who always complained when we went to visit her in the nursing home. 

Some funerals I attended and some I did not. Some death stories I was part of and some I was not. Some affected my childhood and some did not. To many I was indifferent at the time, because it was talked about and then 

hardly ever talked about again. 

Today I weep for all those family members and let the pillow catch my tears.